Ni hau, Shay shay, Ma ma hoo hoo

My circadian rhythms are screwed. I’m a ghost walking around. Most normal folk are asleep, but for me it’s about 4pm not am. It’s fine line of waking and sleep. No amount of mouthwash will get rid of the lingering taste of the rice whisky from the night before. Earlier I popped two 12 hour Sudafed’s just to make sure that the sleep state stays far away, and I need to focus.

I’m still feeling a bit guilty for ambushing the sweet young little bartender last evening with that evil rice whisky in the innocuous plastic squirt bottle. I took it in for some of the regulars all 100 proof of it. She asked me what it was. I said, “Tiff, you don’t want to know.” She looked at me dubiously, “Yeah right” and squirted it in her mouth. She convulsed and spit it on the floor. It took the better part of and hour for her to get back to normal. But I digress. That would not have happened in China. It would have been the other way around. I should have been the one choking and convulsing. And I would be paying for it. That would have been her job. Wrong as it may be. Just like the Martini I ordered. I got a glass with Vermouth and ice. Neither of which I wanted. But that’s what I asked for.

Focus. One night in Suzhou I was perusing the hotel information and my journal notes, tuning out my travel partners obsessing about something she had been going on and on about for the better part of the day. As this was a package deal tour, we were in a very nice place, I’m somewhat ashamed to say. I came across the “The comments form of service quality” for this place which shall go unnamed. It had all the usual kind of questions one might expect to encounter in performing our daily duties, but I have to say even after doing my job for the better part of 20 years there is no way in hell I would want to be measured by some of the factors these poor SOB’s are. And I will write them exactly as they are printed on the form. There were not only points tallied in these factors but also a “Qualified/Unqualified” rating with “Exist problems (The brand of attendants name). I’ll only pick a choice few.

So here we go.

Hiding ones eyes/face from guests.
Attitude kind polite delicacy.
Attlempping and commanding vehicles approliate

Lobby service
Be familiar with service item production character facility and appearances
Guiding initiative pressing elevators buttons
No boring perfume and cosmetic smell
No factitious accidents
Clock works normally
There is less than 3dog-end in public ashtray

Lobby baggage service
Mastering departure ahead of time
No factions advents

Business center service
Satisfaction to offering service
Servicing things are plenty
Typing no wrong leak words and sentences

Srevice Centre
Well expressing ability sweet guests feel comfortable

Housekeeping service
Life commodity quality
Flushing food and beverage qualities

Room sanitation
Preventing insect pest measure
Closes tool sanitation
Closes tool sanitize sanitation
Put toilet paper correct

Service for guests
Service for you according to your custom, religion and taboo
Don’t destroy your things
Help you with pleasure
Managers and waiters should ask for criticisms regularly

Food and beverage service
Menu is clean
Edit the food in reason
Arrange the seat nicety for the frequenter
Be familiar to the menu and relish
Gripping the time of serving
Serving the wish tray
Add flushing for guests in time
Beverage odd neatly without alter
The food require boil menu facture compare length of you order, tell you the time be ready before head

God help them, it goes on and on. Of course there was NO WAY I was going to fill this thing out and have some poor sod sent back to “Hotel reeducation camp” or shot out back or flogged in some dank dingy room down stairs. But it does go to show you that in some parts of the world, “They” take service VERY seriously.

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