Let me guess Jefe……… "Bastardtours inc", tak

Home Forums Polo’s Rabble Let me guess Jefe……… "Bastardtours inc", tak

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    • #2137
      Jefe
      Participant

      Thats my retirement plan!

      Non-Profit (only because i wouldnt expect profit from it)/

      But that’s the idea, hosted by PB with country reps dedicated to furthering booze guzzling, whore-mongering and travel in bad places! Non-Profiit again, bastards helping CREDIBLE bastards!

      (Rob: don’t worry about qualifying as a Bastard…..)

      Actually, I am serious enough to do this my own, in a few years when I reitre, but, PB would be at LEAST a great link to an Adventure Tours site.

      Of course I could advertise on the BFC for basement tours led by Fake Rescue for the majority of posters…or did I say…

      !!Posers!!!

      By the way, I am a Secret Agent/Firefighter…SHIT, did somebody let it slip I am a fireman and not a para rescue/secret agent?

      If you noticed; you are banned; at least from the BFC!

    • #6542
      Kapa
      Member

      Well Jefe, that was just a stab in the dark but looks like I hit the spot. What sort of itinery could we expect for Afghanistan? Horse riding the Khyber pass, Bungying at Bamiyan, Rock climbing in the Panjisheer valley….?

      You could start by making some profit with a firing range. Have always wanted to shoot an RPG ( a Stinger would be asking too much)

      I can’t imagine there’d be much whoremongering opportunities in Afghanistan though!

    • #6543
      Jefe
      Participant

      Great thread!

      All the ideas you spoke of are there and whore mongering is there beyond beilief in Kabul.

      Am I off my rocker with this idea or no? Adventure tours!

      Mach; LOL; come to daddy….

    • #6544
      rickshaw92
      Participant

      I dont normally do the whole package deal tourist thing but I sure would change my travel style if this materalizes :D

    • #6545
      svizzerams
      Member

      I’m still keen on the idea about looking for meteorites in the Libyan desert tour idea. If we can go on BMWs or KTMs- which may limit us to collecting the smaller variety of meteorite.

    • #6546
      Anonymous
      Member

      i’d like to sign up right now as one of the first tour guides.

      Svizzerams- BMW’s? Why on earth would you want to do a trip while riding a Big Mexican Woman? Lots of sweat on those, i swear.

    • #6547
      Mach
      Member

      I have sometimes wondered why RYP Inc hasnt gone
      the Richard Branson route. Charter a plane, throw
      some stickers on it, pad down some officials, sell
      some tickets, phone CNN for some “free” publicity,
      issue a press release: how hard can it be?

    • #6548
      Kapa
      Member

      Ok Jefe, now that mach has gone…… what were you saying about whore mongering in Kabul ? Are there Burqua to birthday suit strip clubs aswell……?

    • #6549
      Jefe
      Participant

      The Chinese restaurants have 3 functions in the Kabul area although several have been raided and recently shut down.

      You do have to be careful. The locals know what goes on and frown upon it very much and they are bomb magnets in my opinion. Still, after working every day for 3-5 months with out a day off or female company, I have to admit caving in a couple of times.

      The 3 functions are:

      1. Serve food.
      2. Several are run by Chinese intelligence. They elicit info from expats and are particullarly interested in how the US military is operating.
      3. Whorehouses

      The tour thing I think could work. Start small and start in Panama. Not much of an investment and I won’t do it until I am semi-retired. I am getting tired of being shot at for a living!

      Most of it would be pretty conventional, dive trips, horseback treks, climbing, deep sea fishing etc., but I thought about jungle schools etc., but I have no intention of holding people hostage to a particular package. Tell me what they want, how much of a budget they have and I will tell them what I can offer!

      Will have to fly one of the editors down for a free trip if they will give me advertising space provided I do a good job (and I will!).

    • #6550
      Lee Ridley
      Keymaster

      I can see it now…

      > We give you free advertising.

      > You return the favour by giving me a free jungle trip into the Darien Gap, or a dive safari to the Cocos Islands.

      > On my return, I write a damning review of Jefes BastardTours Inc
      and post it on PBs.

      :lol:

      Nahhh, Only kidding.

    • #6551
      Kapa
      Member

      Jefe, I’m sure our most esteemed moderater’s would only be too happy to provide FREE advertising space (for a limited time only) for your “Bastards Tours”, and provide the necessary T-Shirts (destinations on the back crossed off under completion- ), provided you supply them with an equally barstardised trip that includes all of the above plus plenty of chinese/burqua R’n’R shenannigans courtesy of the chinese intelligence in Kabul…… Reviews should (and would) be equally depraved (and explicit)putting PB’s up among the ranks of “unresponsible and depraved travelers” of the year….

    • #6552
      Lee Ridley
      Keymaster

      IRRESPONSIBLE AND
      DEPRAVED TRAVELLER

      There’s another good idea for a t-shirt.

    • #6553
      Jefe
      Participant

      I really do plan to invite ppeople to come down and do a review with no promise of kindness etc. when I start. Again, thats 3-5 yrs down the road.

      Get a Travel Agency to check it out, approve it and put my brochures in their offices and they get a cut of the profit for each referral afterwards.

      I don’t know what it is about the Darien that attracts people. I go to dangerous places and have worked in them for about 10 years now, but know when to say, no, thats just plain stupid! (no offense!).

      The other thing about dangerous travel is don’t go with stupid people or people who have something to try to prove!

      Maybe Thailand. At least there I can say I have the body of a god! (Buddha has a beer gut!)

    • #6554
      Lee Ridley
      Keymaster

      Jefe,

      Did you get my reply to your question?

      One hour SE of Kabul.

      Cheers,

      Lee.

    • #6555
      Jefe
      Participant

      Sorry for the delay Lee. Everyone I know over there is still balls to the wall post-elections and its not a good time to ask, but I will not forget you!

      Sorry you have to wait.

    • #6556
      Lee Ridley
      Keymaster

      No worries, you said before that it’d take time.
      I just needed to know that you got the message. You did.

      Cheers,

      Lee.

    • #6557
      vlindsay
      Member

      sorry guys but afghanistan has at least 4 tour operators (uk, us and germany) operating at the moment – iraq has 3 (including one which offers one day trips from dubai) –

      the main reason they are not making huge ammounts of money is the insurance costs – although several get people to sign disclaimers stating that what every happens it is not the tour operators fault

      makketing is doine mainly over the internet and also press / word of mouth – hols are adverstised as ‘safer than going it alone’ but still adventure tourism – however academic definitions of adventure tourism do not agree about the type of tourism -which they prefer to call danger tourism fits better into the filed of dark tourism – which is a faciniation with looking at sites of death and destruction.

      i agree there is potential – during bosnia war an italian tour operator offered trips to the front which included the opportunity to shoot live amo at soliders on either side. there are also records of tourists at the battle of waterloo and thomas cook was asked in 1916 to run tours to the trenches! – people obviously like looking at death…..but why – we are still researching that bit!

    • #6558
      mikethehack
      Participant

      It wasn’t just soldiers they fired on. I remember a lot of the gun club nuts would hang out in bars in Split and Tomislavgrad and for about $5000 (later I heard it doubled to $10,000) they would be taken to places like Mostar, Visegrad, Zepa, Sarajevo, Gorazde, Travnik, Bihac and even Srebrenica to take shots at civilians.
      Apparently you would be given a piece of paper as proof of your misadventure.

      Taking out kids took real skill because they were smaller and faster than adults and worth more points in all sorts of way (propaganda, the serious psychological effect it had on those who witnessed it) and it had the wonderful way of drawing in yet more targets. One wounded kid (wounding took real skill-people weren’t in the habit of breaking valuable cover for a corpse) was worth 3 or 4 adults and consequently produced as many extra targets.

      Some of these gun club nuts had real nice gear (they used to show it to me, very proudly, when I met them in bars out there) and they would describe at length their various safaris where they had plugged deer, rhino, elephant, leopard etc before getting all cuddly and romantic and spouting that sad old line from hemmingway, about the hunting of man.
      Some of these gentlemen were very well off with nice families (I got to see photos of their kids and trophy wives, as well as snaps taken beside modern day mammoths) as they waxed lyrical about the thrill of the hunt.

      It goes without saying that they would never so much as breathe a word about all this back home, except in hushed conversations with fellow club members who were in on the game. I’m not aware of any ever having been done for it, but I half heard some stories from Germany of a few being caught.

      I have heard vague rumours about similar trips being organised in places like Israel and Chechnya. All you need is a captive audience/ victim and you can plug away to your heart’s content.
      Well, doesn’t money talk?

    • #6559
      vlindsay
      Member

      Blimey – all i had read about was day excursions run by an italian tour operator for famiies on thier two week package holiday by the sea looking for a day out doing something different – nothing that organised (or bizare!) – i assume the piece of paper they got for participating didn’t exatcly specify what they had been doing – not something to put on the wall!

      there are ‘terror tours’ which are organised from the usa to israel where you can learn terror techniques and pratice them on the Gaza strip. – these are said to provide you with the skills to survive a terrorist attack in the usa and don’t activly promote the opportunities to kill people – although they are very popular with gun club memebers……….

      someone out there is making money!

    • #6560
      Jefe
      Participant

      For the record, I have NO intentions of taking wide eyed civilians into combat zones.

      More like Scuba in Panama, Butterfly ranches, horeback riding etc. Traveling to hazardous places is something that in 5 years I DON”T want to do anymore and the last thing I would ever do (even now) is go to dangerous places with jackasses.

      How about: Non Adventrure tours run by an old, balding, guy with stories to bore your kids?”

    • #6561
      vlindsay
      Member

      http://www.adventureshow.co.uk/

      above website might give you some ideas of whats on at the moment (which is pretty muc everything) – although i think the tours to combat zones tours might make more money – seems very popular with teenage american boys at the moment! – not certain the old balding guy thing would be much of a marketing ploy ……….the body of a god might be better

    • #6562
      Jefe
      Participant

      Actually I am making good money here so that if I keep up this line of work for another 5 years I don’t need to work, particullarly in Panama. But, I can’t just sit idle or fish/SCUBA every day!

      And regardless of my utter lack of adventure tours into combat zones, I can take people in the jungle or run them thru a survival school etc.

      The thought of taking brats into a combat zones who have Rambo images in their heads is something I get enough of when dealing with the NGOs and reconstruction firms we work with and I never want to deal with again after my time is done.

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