Dean Farisian

a regular writer for Polo's Bastards.

Society Sucks, So Get Lost

Building Your Own Mountain Hideout: A Step By Step Guide Way back in the day I was really enamored with all this society bullshit, this pushing and pulling, this tugging to reach higher plateaus of existence, schmoozing and smooching the stars and shagging random married women at film festivals; ah, it was the life, sipping…

Kidnapping Children For Fun and Profit

Lessons from the French school. Back in the day there was a guy called Chad, and also a country, somewhere down there in the dirty sands of Africa, where a bunch of those little kiddies ran around playing and screaming and falling over stuff and sometimes even picking up guns to kill each other –

Cut n’ Run

What to do when you wake up beside a Dead Hooker. It’s happened to all of us at one time, I suppose, stuck in a musty Bangkok sex club with numerous young girls all ogling at your overweight belly under a sweaty t-shirt, you feeling like the man you are, all three hundred pounds, the…

How to Rob and Burn Down the Hostel Without Getting Caught

It was this month seven years ago that some random fruit picking types crashing at a ditch-dive hostel in some far away land called Juastrailyuh (south of Mexico, I think) got charred extra crispy thanks to some damned pervert lighting up the whole place like a cheap wicker basket. Hey, that’s fine, I can’t complain.…

Cheap flights!

Stowing away in the wheel well of an aircraft. We’re all keen on getting cheaper flights to anywhere, really, as long as it ain’t here. Sure, you may cream your pants over visiting wherever in the hell I am